Thought of the day...

Sometimes I think of myself as an individual who strives hard to be a man who I am now but at some other time I think striving hard is just an excuse for me to gain better living than the better of me…

Well..to be honest with you I don’t really care what would that make a different of me…and sometimes listening to people who’s more superior than me made me wonder if they really that superior than myself (they always does) and others to have a long story of people living their live to certain extend…I might be doing the same and…frankly speaking when I spoke about some one it reflects my own admiration towards these individuals…..it does not matter how much they earn and how vastly their knowledge were…their philosophy is the only item I look for….I try to understand what makes them speak about these individuals and I even try to relate that to the life I’m having (where applicable) yet at the end of the story..it always fail to stand out and outclass individuals who have always being generous and very calm in many way of their doing yet successful.…

Would you think he would make an impact locally and world wide with his effort of wearing this costumes?

I love to talk about life and living the life yet when an individual begins talking about their thoughts towards breaking through the outside world for an impressive achievement would make me wonder myself (I did this juga ba sometimes as a metaphore) Why think about making the better of the outside world or breaking into their world when even locally an individual couldn’t even make the best out of it (to be a successful individual you’ll have to be among a successful group) It has always been a token for me as non-superior individual to listen and know about the outside as a knowledge of motivation but praising the outside world for an achievement is just not quite right to build up the inner motivation….I sometimes (well, most of the time) observe these individuals and think wow! This individual is really something! And thinking about that I begin to wonder further..why is this individual still here and having a conversation with me when I couldn’t understand what this individual were trying to achieve or tell me….well, I might have an impression towards this kind of individual for being knowledgable and kind for sharing the stories…the rational is always seems to be something intereting for me…was the individual trying to tell me about his/her ambition of being a successful individual preferable the outside world or was the individual trying to tell me that he/she is far more superior than me/the lads…was it a remarks or was it just a chit-chat showing his/her interest of making friends…

I come with this….I might be a little off set but first impression really help to find it way to work things out….I ‘d prefer to think that this kind of individual is pretty much trying to make his/her territory among others…he/she wants others to think he/she is not someone who is just someone but he/she is someone with something….what does it means?It does not bother me and I’m happy for what I have and of course I will always strive to the best of me….to what extend? Be God to decide….sometimes God will work his way out of the unexpected and always the way we couldn’t even get it until a certain period of time (if you’re grateful enough) Being a superior individual does not require high profile or being a well known individual at workplace…if an individual could make good impression and impressive performance at workplace then it is not a crime to think about making an impact onto the outside world….if an individual is just playing plain stupid at workplace thinking that would put him/her at a right path to great achievement….then forget about achieving the outside world….it’s just not quite right….would you play plain stupid at workplace whilst dreaming of gaining more earning in future or getting promotion to higher position…or far more ambitious to achieve something in the outside world?? Isn’t that obvious?? we can be a low profile individual and feel save at our own safety net at workplace but would that make you happy to dream of breaking into the outside world when you’re not making any impression towards the particular??? There's always a right way of doing it rather than talking about not pushing yourself outside the boundry for extra responsibility than what your job description prescribed....take a risk and learn from the risk??? I salute you for being smarter to avoid wider range of responsibility though...

* Betul-betul saya pun macam inda paham ni thought o..haha...

A gloommy day...

Sometimes, feeling empty is so disturbing...we tend to ignore or deny that we have a missing slot in our life that needing fulfillment…however, ignorance is still becoming the common practice and that eventually help to heal the emptiness…how exactly we define emptiness in our life…does that means we lack of or missing something in our life? Would you feel empty due to money…how about happiness…and what say you about love…or being loved…perhaps it‘s just a game of life that we have to endure in our daily life…or it’s just a cycle of life we would need to go through from time to time...I could say…this is that feeling that I’m going through at the moment...as some of my fellow bloggers were saying...I need a girlfriend...I need to get married...well, to be honest (wow…I’m actually telling you this..huhu) I could be missing the feeling to love and be loved…I felt the love from my dearest friends…could it be that I need more than that…am I actually being demanding to have something that I have missed for quite sometimes? There’s truth from what they were saying…I may need to start to have the feeling to love again and be loved in return..sigh..the more I try not to think about it the more I think about it and frustrated I am by not knowing..huhu..

Yesterday, I was reading this interesting entry from my fellow blogger XigorX...and I was really interested to one of his remarks as quoted below…

“Why does your heart physically hurt and you feel like you can’t breathe after Love is lost? I believe it is because of this build-up and over accumulation of Love that has nowhere to go anymore…no direction or purpose…left to bounce around aimlessly in the hole left in your soul...”

I would say...he had it nicely written and well explained….we human can have many ways of understanding the subjectively love in our daily life…be it your wife/husband and your child if you’re married…your girl/boy-friend if you’re in a relationship…your pets (whatever your pets are…) and not to forget the love towards our friends no matter what colour, races and religions they are….also towards your family (whatever relationships…parents, siblings and etc..) each of these may have differences accordingly per individual and I’m sure we knew that they have priorities tagged with them, which should go first and which should come after…don’t get me wrong here and I’m sure we already knew how it works…you wouldn’t put your love towards your pet over your family, would you?

Having to go through this feeling today…I’m as fragile as any other normal human being...tried to ignore and managed to get rid of it for couple of hours…I woke up quite early (around 8am) although I slept at around 5:30am after watching my favourite anime of all time (Initial D) since my arrival from work at past 1am…waking up early in the morning is common to me but to wake up with the feeling or needing someone besides you is something I would try to avoid for many times…I hadn’t dreamt of anything interesting but letting my mind to begin wondering and wandering the memory lane about that something is quite distracting…I then decided to clean my room…yet my mind was thinking of that something and I couldn’t get it off…I felt the revival when I started to sweat (I hadn’t sweat for quite sometimes when cleaning my room..I actually cleaned almost anything that I can in my room including washing the curtains) once I had my shower…there it was again...I continued watching my anime until I fell asleep (evening at around 4pm)…I had a very weird dream...I dreamt of Mr Jew, Mr Joel, Spice Girl, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Axl Rose with the original Guns’ members, my Product Delivery Manager (I've never met him or a glance of his picture), that something a.k.a someone and some others that I can’t really remember their names….it was a very weird dream…they were all in my house as if we were going to have a party…the funny thing was I even dreamt of Arnorld flirting with the Spice Girls in the swimming pool with a white underwear…well I don’t have to describe the ladies, do I? The story began when each of these casts came into my house (in the dream I’m actually living with that someone..) introducing themselves...the next thing I remember, I was chatting and singing with the GnR band whilst looking at Slash’s guitar…Arnold with the ladies in the swimming pool.. I had a romantic candle light dinner with that someone accompanied by numbers of slow rock songs from GnR...Wahaha…I can’t recall where were Mr Jew, Mr Joel and the Manager after their arrival…teda beer tapi di mana kamu ah...haha..

Well, that was just a dream yet very interesting one to remember…especially the existence of my Product Delivery Manager…haha..I've just came back from a quick hang out (watched the MU match) with my buddy from KL...he told me that he’s planning to get engaged later next year…we chatted about his 1 week training trip to Paris earlier this month and enjoying the match which ended with a draw..huhu...I’m quite happy (or relief) to get some sort of rescue info from that something...I was actually hoping for that kind of info since earlier this morning but I was the one who advised not to do so….for some reason that’s the right thing to do…I'm going to continue with my anime..really hard to stop once started..I'm planning not to consume beer this weekend..hehe

May you guys had a great long weekend (Happy Diwali)…holiday and rest…Cheers!

Untitled..

At around 5:30 pm yesterday evening.....I was so so sleepy and a little moody myself..It just came so sudden that I felt sad and left out...I wonder why..I don't have girlfriend nor wife or even mistress to fell that....I was sad for no reason?Well probably I knew what was the reason....

Meanwhile...I was thinking of my dinner...I decided to give it a go at a random pick...so I did...went to nearby restaurant and saw this Chicken Rice...saw the chicken calling me.."Wel...I'm sexy..I'm hot...I'm tasty..I'm soft..buy me and feel me....." Well..it was not the chicken actually..that could be my beiol mind trying to persuade my appetite of destruction...yes! it was a success and I bought it and felt the chicken in my mouth to my stomach...

Around 6:00pm..I was still with that moody feeling of mine...trying to ignore the feeling...I then watched the Heroes Ep 5...done with that..I had nothing more to do....went to visits some of my fellow blogger...and still..it didn't help at all...usually, at this condition of me..I would rewatch my favourite anime or movies.....the likes of Initial D...Slum Dunk...romantic humor movies will be the top in my consideration....however, because of the sleepy feeling...I then decided to watch this movie called "20 years after"..I don't really know what this movie is all about..it was downloaded last weekend...tried to watch it 3 times already but I seemed to fail and it helped me to sleep..the movie must be really darn fucking boring huh..I haven't even watched more than 30 minutes..already my eyes were shutting down...woke up, it was already past 1 hour or more...the time was almost 8:30..the movie has already finished...surfed the internet and at 9:00pm I decided I better go to sleep..and I really did....9:40pm I was already in my dream....I dreamt of something serious today and it has something to do with my moody feeling earlier...It is so wonderful sometimes that we can dream about the things that matter the most in our mind huh...although the dream was not happy but it shows me that how that feeling would effect and affect my emotion in the near future...should I believe what I had dreamt about or should I just enjoy it...this time, I will try not to think about it more than I should..it is not ignoring nor denial to me...it just that I would not want thing get messy in my head and it is not a priority in my life...maybe it is only me that thinks the feeling were real and perhaps it is only me that thinks that way....feeling huh..sometimes very deceiving...haha..

Now at 3am in the morning (I woke up at 2:14am)...writing this down is just a way of letting it go...telling the world that I'm just a human that can have feelings as well as dreams...I don't know what am I going to do now....this is one of the reason I don't prefer to sleep early..If I continue my sleep then perhaps I can have another nice dream or perhaps I will be more moody during the day due to oversleep..haha...I will think of something la..I wish that someone were here and friend me masak magi or have a decent chat...haha..What?! I'm also human that can ada 'manja' juga ba..hahaha...darn it! 1 more hour to go I will get ready for work..huhu..Again..do not let your emotion spoil your day!!!! Motivation ba tu...

Shattered Dream..

Sick of this life
And not what you'd care
You're not the only one
Whom this feeling I share

Nobody understands,
quite why we're here
We're searchin' for answers
That never appear

But maybe if I looked real hard I'd
I'd see your tryin' too
To understand this life,
That we're all goin' through
(Then when she said she was
gonna like wreck my car...
I didn't know what to do)

Life is beautiful huh..yeah I bet but so sad, it's not that always beautiful as we would have dream of...I'm off today and tomorrow...for the record, I applied these 2 days off since months ago..well to be precise, applied for a purpose of my "shattered dream" to the F1 Night Race in Singapore..I had planned this since last year and made it very clear almost to all my dear friends that I really want to go...as per planned, everything went alright until the last couple of months..budget was totally disrupted..I'm not working as a Manager with a high salary bah...just enough to feed my hungry stomach and fill up my tummy with beers as well as enjoying my hobbies buying couple of DVDs during weekends..but that's that..I have been saving for this trip but due to some complication and unseen event..I had no choice..

See, how important money is to our life...perhaps, it's not that important or affecting 20 years ago when with your 20 penny, you could probably have a delicious amount of fried mee....but not this time around..saying money is not important is nor entirely correct..perhaps saying not affecting? Could that be the correct statement?

Most of my close friends knew that I'm quite a fan of Formula 1 race..I've always watched each races on TV (live..no delay programme please) perhaps due to my current work responsibility these days..I hardly forget when were the next races..what were the times etc...compared to last year and years before..it has always been a must programme for me to watch..I'd be willingly to wake up early morning or stay-up just to get a glimpse of the race especially the first 10 laps..I've been watching F1 races since 8 years ago..

Well..I can take a risk by going there and enjoy my trip to the Lion Country but I don't know what would happen once I come back..you know la if we go to a new place...we would not want to have the feeling of.."wah siok oh tu na kan...cantik o tu na kan..then thinking...inda mau la..nanti habis duit saya...(ignore and walk away)"..having said that, I'm now letting my happiness takes over my satisfaction...I'm happy that I don't have to help spoiling my financial budget but I'm not satisfy that I'm unable to fulfill my dreams...talking to myself..there's always next time...probably next year then..I'll pass this time...

So! what am I going to do with these 2 days off? I still have 9 (+1 is reserved) holidays left...give me money or sponsor me..I'll certainly enjoy them without hesitation! Since I'm so free, these will do then...update my blog..blog hopping...clean the house..(Mr Jew..kitchen is yours ah..)..clean my room...wash my ride...wait! hold on..If I do them all today..what am I going to do tomorrow and weekend pula..I'm going to be alone at home (come with beers if you dare..) this weekend kan Mr Jew..PAKU is going to the Gossip event in Key Hell to perform..send my regards to Jason Lo and Hannah Tan ah Mr Jew..haha...So, I think I'll need to re-organize the plan for today..I've utilized 5 hours of my day off today by getting a nice rest/sleep....so I still have around 12-18 hours to go..ahaha...how la mau rest kalu ada tu perasaan mau fully use 24 hours..alright guys..enjoy your day in office..and happy working!

*Anybody recognize the above song..its my old time favourite..love the lyrics

2000 Hits!

Officially, Designated Hermitage has now been visited 2000 times in less than 2 years. My first post was as follow

Welcome (dated back to 25th Nov 2006)

As the name says "Designated Hermitage", this is going to be d' Amazing blog in future to come. Would it be? Well, you may say "nah..." or "...mmm....", time will tell and those who believe "live your dream and it will come to you" would probably agree with me though. It doesn't matter what other people going to say because it is not my business to listen and live up to their expectations or needs. I'm doing this for my own satisfaction and most importantly living my dream.

Once before, a man called Beiolman said "You may call me beiolman but I'm not the only one, I hope someday you will join me and let the world be beiol-ed"

Less than 5 months to my first post's anniversary, DH managed to survive the kind of tsunami, earth quake, riots, political melt down etc..when I first signed up for Blogger.com I was just a kid in virtual world of blogging..well I was actully an active IRC user, way back 1999 - 2000..hehe..and those days..internet was still new to Malaysian..including me..I don't know if I can label myself or qualified as an amateur in computer (Software, Hardware, networking etc)..am sure that am not an expert/advance either though..and I do know that I like (enjoy) what I haves and haves not..

Early 2007, DH was actually kept in a save box for quite a period. He was in the mids of concentrating other stuff in his life..after a crucial incident that almost took his soul..seh..with a natural and strong driven character..he fought back to get his grasp in life..he stood tall to co-exist his heir as the last Beiolman (C) and walked through the road to heaven passing the gate of hell without hesitation..for about 6 months later he made it to the end of the road where he found a fountain of Freedom in his heart! (not quite right..) Ever since then..he lives his life to the fullest..*if ada duit lagi to the maximum..hehe..

He started the 2008 with bigger hopes and new targets. He was heard saying some as..to live free from his past..to be elsewhere in SEA area (lagi jauh lg bagus) before he can enjoy his 30th birthday party...and of course be financially stable..(kesian ba ni..jual diri untuk sesuap nasi..hehe)...Up until now DH is still going strong..banging his head to the wall.. to bring out the best of him for Sabah and his surrounding...hoping to wake up in an early morning, from his sweet dream to see his lovely and pretty wife next to him greeting him with a kiss...walawei..

Hopping for the greater good in life? Sure we does, don't we... How can life be great if you don't believe that dream can come true... and living your dream will eventually helping you making your dream to come true..he.he.. *The Law of Attraction*